Matrescence, what exactly is it?

The Identity Shift No One Prepares You For

The birth of a baby is also the birth of a mother.
And yet, after birth, most of the focus is on the child: feeding, growth, sleep patterns, development.
But what about the woman who just became a mother?
Why does everything suddenly feel different — even if you're “just getting on with life”?
It all has to do with a rarely discussed, deeply transformative process called matrescence.

In this blog, we’ll explore what matrescence really is, how it affects your identity, why it’s so often overlooked, and how you can move through this shift with more self-compassion and awareness.

What Is Matrescence?

Matrescence is the process a woman goes through as she becomes a mother.
The term was first introduced by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s (she also coined the term doula). But it’s gained more awareness recently, thanks to psychologist Dr. Alexandra Sacks.

Just like adolescence is the transition from child to adult — physically, hormonally, emotionally, and socially — matrescence is the shift from woman to mother.
It’s a massive transformation, and yet there’s very little recognition, space, or guidance to help you fully feel or process that change.

The Physical Dimension of Matrescence

Your body changes throughout pregnancy, birth, and postpartum in ways that go far deeper than just a baby bump or breastfeeding.
Your hormones, brain, organs, skin, and energy — everything shifts.

During matrescence, your brain undergoes a neurological reorganization. Studies show that certain areas — especially those linked to empathy, alertness, and protection — become more active.
You’re literally rewired. These changes are lasting, making you more sensitive to your baby’s needs and your surroundings.

And then there’s the physical recovery: scars, your pelvic floor, breasts, fatigue, body shape.
It takes courage to embrace those changes in a world that expects your body to “bounce back” to how it looked before pregnancy.

These physical shifts also affect your self-image. Your body may feel unfamiliar.
What you see in the mirror might not match how you feel inside.
This can be disorienting, especially when you're trying to find yourself again in your new role.
Acceptance takes time. And talking to someone — like a pelvic floor therapist or postpartum coach — can be incredibly helpful.

The Emotional and Mental Impact

Matrescence touches the core of who you are.
Your values, priorities, interests, and boundaries change.
Where you once identified with your work, your social life, your hobbies — you’re now faced with new questions:

• Who am I now, beyond “mother”?

• What still fits me, and what doesn’t?

• Why do I feel torn between who I was and who I’m becoming?

This inner conflict is completely normal.
Matrescence often brings feelings of confusion, loss, grief, and guilt — not because you regret motherhood, but because parts of you are being left behind.

This shift can bring uncertainty. You may not know what you stand for, what makes you happy, or what you need.
Many women describe it as a kind of emptiness.
But that emptiness? It's fertile ground. Something new is growing.

Societal Pressure and the Lack of Language

One of the biggest challenges with matrescence is that we don’t have the words for it.
You’re expected to be a mother — but there’s little space for the process of becoming one.

We have rituals for marriage, graduation, retirement — but not for this deep transformation.

And society places intense pressure on mothers: to be nurturing, present, cheerful, and confident — all at once.
The reality of matrescence — raw, messy, vulnerable, complex — doesn’t fit into that mold.
This disconnect leads many women to feel guilty or “not enough,” when in truth they are navigating something profoundly human and powerful.

Social media adds another layer: perfect nurseries, glowing mothers, curated feeds.
But what we don’t see: the tears, the doubts, the inner tension between wanting freedom and carrying responsibility.

Identity in Motion: Layers of Change

Matrescence is not a straight path. It moves in waves and tends to show up at key moments:
After birth, returning to work, weaning, your child starting school, or even trying to reclaim time for yourself.

Women often describe it as peeling back old layers.
You don’t always recognize yourself — but that doesn’t mean you’re lost.
You’re growing. Expanding.

It helps to document this process. Write about your feelings.
Pause now and then to reflect: Who was I six months ago? What have I learned? What part of me still serves me — and what can I release?

Relationships and Matrescence

Matrescence impacts your relationships — with your partner, your family, your friends.
Your boundaries shift. Your needs evolve.
You might crave deeper connection or feel less patience for superficial conversations.

Partners often need time to adjust to this new dynamic.
Sex may feel different. Time becomes something to negotiate.
Friendships may fade or shift.
It’s normal to feel lonely — even surrounded by others.

Clear communication helps. Speak your truth.
Find people who hold space for you, without judgment.

Many mothers find comfort in supportive groups — online or in-person — where both the beauty and the mess are welcome.
That kind of connection can be transformative.

Matrescence and Work

Returning to work is often the moment when matrescence hits hard.
You’re not the same — but the workplace expects you to be.
This creates inner friction:

• How do I stay connected to my job and stay true to my family?

• What if my ambitions have changed?

• How do I navigate guilt, pressure, and expectations?

Employers should recognize this transition.
Flexibility, empathy, and time to adjust can make all the difference.
Ideally, support for matrescent women should exist — just like we support those returning from burnout or career shifts.

Why Naming Matrescence Is Healing

For many women, just hearing the word matrescence brings relief.
“So I’m not crazy?”
No — you’re transforming.
You’re in transition.
And it’s okay for that to feel raw, messy, or overwhelming.

Naming this process creates space for softness — to feel, to re-discover, to grieve and grow at once.

When we normalize matrescence, women feel supported rather than isolated.
Motherhood becomes not a role to perform, but a journey to grow through.

How to Support Yourself During Matrescence

• Acknowledge the transition — name it.

• Be curious: What’s changing in you?

• Connect with other mothers — share and listen.

• Rest when you can — don’t overfill your schedule.

• Protect your energy — say no, choose what’s right for you.

• Allow grief — it’s okay to miss parts of your “old” self.

✨ Tip: Create a space in your home that’s just for you.
A chair, a shelf, a corner — something that symbolizes your space in this transformation.

The Role of Professionals and the System

Midwives, doulas, GPs, and therapists should talk about matrescence.
Instead of just checking your stitches, they should ask: “How are YOU doing? Who are you becoming?”

We must break the silence around postpartum vulnerability.
There’s nothing wrong with you if you feel lost.
There’s something wrong with a system that never told you this was part of it.

Matrescence in Phases: From Survival to Integration

1. Disruption: You sense that something has shifted.

2. Resistance: You try to hold onto your old self.

3. Awareness: You realize you’re in a transformation.

4. Reorientation: You explore what fits you now.

5. Integration: You begin to feel at home in your new identity.

These stages aren’t linear.
You may loop back, pause, or move forward in your own time.
You don’t have to be anywhere other than where you are.

And Finally: You’re Allowed to Become Yourself Again

Matrescence is both raw and beautiful.
It’s a journey to a deeper version of you — not necessarily better, but more authentic.

You’re growing.
You’re shifting.
You’re turning inward — and slowly emerging with a new kind of strength.

So if you’re wondering why you feel different, why your identity feels shaky, why you cry without knowing why — know this:
You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.